Is Spring really all that...and the chips?

In my entire life, I have never really been scared of anything. There are some things with which I have a severe dislike, such as cock roaches, but I'm not really scared of anything..except for spiders.

Growing up in a strict southern household, my parents gave me chore after chore after chore. One of my chores was to keep my room in tip top condition: clothes up, toys off the floor, organized. If I did not have my chores done, I did not get to do anything else. I couldn't watch television or play outside. No fun whatsoever until the chores were done.

When I was 15 and chores were stupid, I wanted to "go to the movies" with some friends. Not that we ever made it to the movies though...Oh, I dread what my kids will try to get away with...

In order for me to be able to go, my chores had to be completed. Of course, I did the infamous eye roll, and I walked into my room. I decided that I would hurry up with the room so that I could get going. My friends were already on their way to get me.

I had this wicker bookcase that held, of course, books, but it also held my most valuable trinkets such as my porcelain clown, an owl made of shells, pictures, etc.

I decided to do a quick dust over all of the trinkets and remove any unnecessary items. This process took me all of 2 minutes. In that two minutes, somehow, somewhere, I was attacked.

Growing up in the woods, spiders have always had an obvious presence in my world. There are so many instances in which I walked out the front door to go to school, and ran face first into a spider web only to shudder with disgust.

Sometime in the two minutes that it took to clean up my wicker bookshelf, a spider decided to jump onto my shoulder and hang out like a parrot would a pirate. I was finished cleaning the bookshelf, and as I glanced to the other side of the room, I noticed the spider on my shoulder. In a matter of milliseconds, I was able to determine that there was a completely disgusting animal on me. I was able to determine that if this animal were to stay on me for any longer, I would surely die. I was in danger.

Instantly, I dropped to the floor, shoulder first, while shrieking in complete horror. I started spinning on my shoulder as a break dancer would. I had to kill the beast! To watch this display would have been something that one would see on America's Funniest Home Videos.

This has not been my only run in with spiders. It seems that there is always something.

You would think that I would have learned my lesson by now, but Nooooo...our house is in the thickest plot of woods in all of Tallahassee. Our house is completely covered by trees. Last year, I noticed the baby spiders (spiderlings, as I have learned). I had no idea the magnitude of this situation at that point, but none the less, I was disgusted.

Spring is great! I love it when the green starts to come back, the birds and the bees are out and about, and the weather is just fantastic in Florida. The two things about Spring that I despise? Mosquitoes, naturally, and spiders! Spring sets forth an abundance of these animals. Blah!

So, last year, in the beginning of Spring, I walked into our bedroom, and was instantly confused. I had taken my work clothes off and set them on the bed earlier that afternoon to change into my "around the house" clothes. I did this about an hour or so earlier. I looked at my work clothes, and there were little red bugs all over them. I figured that I had rubbed up against something on the way into the house, but I couldn't remember. I threw the clothes and the bed sheets into the washing machine immediately, and I vacuumed the mattress and surrounding floor. I didn't want any of the bugs to spread out throughout the house.

It's funny what your mind can do to you. I know that not a single bug got on me, but for some reason, my entire body itched because of the idea that they may have touched me.

I immediately jumped into the shower. After I was "bug free", I went back to the bed where I had put my house clothes. Again, bugs!!! What is going on?!?!

I have always said, jokingly, that I only keep Rusty around for opening jars and killing bugs! Of course, I love him, but it's funny to see his reaction!

I called for Rusty. Upon further examination, we realized that the little red bugs, the size of a pin head, were in fact, spiders! Oh!! My!! God!! I have SPIDERS in my bedroom...on my bed!?! This will not do! Immediately, we run outside to see if I had brushed in to a hatching nest or something. We looked around the outside of the house, beside and inside the car, on the porch. Nothing!

Walking back inside, stumped, Rusty and I are standing in the bedroom facing the bed. We look up, and whammo! Who would think that spiderlings would hatch from your ceiling fan and spread from there occasionally falling onto your bed? Certainly, I would have never thought that this could happen.

So, we take the proactive approach. I move out of the bedroom and into Cody's room. Rusty blasts the spiders with Raid, and we vacuum all the little boogers up. The pest control company can do nothing for us. The Raid seemed to work, so I moved back into the bedroom sometime over the next few days.

Skip forward to Spring, 2008. Okay, this year has been a bit different. I noticed the spiderlings outside on the bannisters, benchseats, and cars. I thought to myself, "Oh wonderful. Here we go again!"

April Fool's Day seems to be a day that I jinx myself. Three years ago, I told a friend that I was pregnant for an April Fool's prank...turns out I was. This April Fool's, I should have known.

I notice that Rachel sees the spiders outside, and she, like her Momma, is terrified of spiders. So, me being the "wonderful" mother that I am, tell her that she better be careful because the spiders may come through the ceiling fan and get her in the middle of the night. Yes, I know. I'm horrible, but it was a good one. And, yes..We told her that we were kidding.

So, when I say that Rachel sees the spiders, I mean, she SEES the spiders. They are EVERYWHERE! They are on the bannisters, the porch, the patio table, the front door, the car, the ground. EVERYWHERE! And there's not just a random spider here and there. Oh no! There are thousands of them. So much so, that it looks like anything that they are on is moving. They have to be falling out of the trees and landing on the house. This is my best guess!

So, today is April 11th. Since April 1st, we have probably seen 6 million spiders. I remembered last year's incident with the ceiling fan, so I decide to take another proactive approach. I immediately go to the store and get a fumigator. I have Cody slap that sucker in the attic, and we leave. We'll get the little terds.

Problem solved...or so I thought.

Over the next 2 weeks, an occasional spider began showing up in the house in random places. The kid's bathroom, the kitchen wall, the dining room table, etc. I could not figure out where they were coming from, so I just figured that they were falling on us, and we were bringing them inside.

Next thing I know, there is a swarm of them in our bathroom sink. Okay, I can deal with that. I have gotten used to them in the last two weeks, as disgusted as I am to say that. We Raid the sink, and they slowly, but surely go away leaving hundreds of red dots on the counter where their dead bodies lay/lie (Rusty always tells me that my grammer is wrong when it comes to this word, so I've included both as to not be incorrect).

As long as they don't come out of the ceiling fan like last year, I'm okay. I truly believe that because they are so small, they are just getting into the house in all the little unsecured locations, and are just having a hay day scaring me to death.

Because of last year's experience, I have been glancing at our ceiling fan every time that I walk into the room. Up until Tuesday night, there have been no signs of the little beasts. Of course, Tuesday night, they start coming out of the ceiling fan. I immediately grab all of our linens out of the room, cover up anything that I don't want to get pesticides on, and set up the fumigator. Picturing this may be as funny as my break dancing moves when I was 15. I grabbed a storage bin, and two taller boxes, and I stack them on top of each

other on top of the bed. This makes a pretty impressive tower that tops out about a foot underneath the ceiling fan, and we place the fumigator on top of the tower. That'll get the little boogers.

Three hours later, and all the are spiders dead! Woo Hoo!!! Victory!!! At least that's what I thought. I clean up all the little spider bodies, and wait another couple of hours to see if any more sneak out and fall onto the bed...nothing! Clear!

I go to bed thinking that I had won the battle! Nope, I was wrong. They didn't come back that night, no, but they did play a good game with my mind. About 3:30 in the morning, I woke up, and I pictured myself lying in bed, covered in spiders! Talk about nerve racking. I was terrified to get up to look because I may have died, but at the same time, I didn't want to lie there as spiders crawled all over me if that was the case. So, I jump out of bed, and turn the light on. Nothing. Rusty just grunts at me because I woke him up, poor thing. Must be miserable to not be bothered by spiders whatsoever!

So, I go the next day, completely drained from the lack of sleep and the continuous stomach aches that this pregnancy seems to have brought with it, thinking that I am the victor of such a dramatic battle!

WRONG! Last night, yet again, spiders coming from the ceiling fan! At this point, they are numbering in the hundreds and they are falling all over the bed. I run to the store to get more Raid, and Rusty (my bug man) takes care of the problem. They were gone instantly, and the bottle said that it's supposed to keep them away for 4 weeks! Stupid spiders. Mess with me. Of course, I had a repeat of Tuesday night in the area of sleep.

I think that they have won the battle, but I will never openly admit it. They have infiltrated my house, kept me from sleeping, and have made me itch for 2 weeks. Relentless little terds.

Spring is always welcome in my house, but when it comes to spiders, I'd prefer it to be winter all year long!