I don't even remember how it started, but Joey and Beth started comparing the baby's size to food at different levels of development. For example, when we made this trip, back in the middle of April, the baby was only about 2 months along...they said that it should be as big as a pea....I just went along while inserting a hint of sarcasm here and there...
Next thing you know, Joey has named the baby "turkey baby". He then proceeds to gobble, gobble, gobble. It also doesn't help matters that the baby is due on Thanksgiving Day!! I swear, this is one of those instances that I try to retell a story, and while I laugh at the memory of what happened, those of you who have NO IDEA the humor involved in the story, look at me with a puzzled look. Don't worry...I completely understand.
So, in honor of our eventful trip to Tennessee, I have a countdown to "Turkey Baby" posted for you, so that if you ever wonder how much longer you can make fun of my "turkey baby", you can check. Once the kid is born, all bets are off. I'm pretty sure that Joey was the first person that Sammy pooped on...vengence will be mine...MMMMUUUAAAAHH!!
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7 comments:
I feel a rebuttal is in order. As these things so often happen, I seem to remember a slightly different set of events leading up to the Turkey Baby Affair – not that anyone was actually having an affair with a Turkey Baby (or the Turkey Baby in this instance), because … that’s just gross. Get your mind out of the gutter. You’re nasty.
So we are in the car on a 10 hour road trip from Tennessee. That much is accurate. What started the conversation was actually Rebekah telling us about a web site she found where you can put in a due date and it will return your baby’s current size as compared to items of food. We figured the baby must be about the size of a pea – or possibly a peanut (out of its shell).
Perhaps I should back up a minute. Rebekah has the occasional tendency to embellish numbers or units of time or measurement. It is not uncommon to hear her say (especially on the trip to and from Tennessee) something to the effect of: “We have been driving for DAYS,” or maybe “We must have driven a million miles by now!” I have to say here that this is not a bad thing. It is part of her charm. Rebekah is the master of humorous hyperbole, at times.
As you can well imagine, by the time we were almost home from our weekend road trip, Rebekah was 27,816 months pregnant and within mere seconds of giving birth to her pea-sized baby. Further, I have a problem with a 27,816 month gestated baby who is still the size of a pea. I needed a better reference. I think the terms elephant and buffalo were tossed around, but come on. There is no way Rebekah’s body could handle an elephant or a buffalo enfolded within her alien-pod. Therefore? Turkey Baby was born – figuratively, of course. It was a rental car. I wouldn’t have wanted to pay for the mess Hertz would have had to clean otherwise.
And I just may have gobbled once or twice.
And – vengeance? Vengeance, you say? I bet you a flying Coke and a singing midget that Sammy can learn far more interesting words than “boobies”.
Set. Point. Match.
Once again, Joey. I hate to rain on your parade, but this is entirely inaccurate.
There are SO many things wrong with your "rebuttal" that I have to list them...
1. I didn't mention the website...Beth did.
2. I don't embellish nearly as much as you think I do.
3. I am the POTENTATE of humerous hyperbole. Not just "at times", but all of the time.
4. There is NO way that I am 27,816 months pregnant.
5. You gobbled a million more times than just once or twice!
~Potentate Beka
Do you realize how angry Mickey would be if he knew you were calling yourself the potentate?!
I wouldn't go so far as to say master of hyperbole...
Joey, I did actually bring up the website, but I must say you did a bang-up job of taking it and running, Mr Gump.
Ok, since when does about 6 gobbles equal a "million more times?" I'll confess, I gobbled a few times myself... it was too good to pass up!
But let's face it, Beka. You do have an exaggeration problem, and the sooner you recognize this, the better off we'll all be. I seem to recall an instance of sitting at a traffic light, and the car next to us hadn't pulled up all the way to the line. They were about even with our rear tire, but in Beka language, they were "two car lengths behind us!!"
As far as how pregnant you really are, wasn't the last number 29,432 months?
Oh, and PECAN LOG!!!!
*snerk*
Joey -
Let's just thank God that you are not the one having the "Turkey Baby" what with all of the alcohol that you drink.
Here's something that may help you in your time of need...
A.A.'s Twelve Steps
Part of the recovery program that A.A. suggests is set forth in the Twelve Steps listed on page 15. Based on the experience of A.A.'s earliest members, the Steps are a record of the principles and practices they developed to maintain sobriety (after many other approaches had failed). If the alcoholic in your life shrinks from the idea that a formal code of behavior will be required, you can put his or her mind at ease. Each member uses the Steps in an individual way. The Steps are suggested program of recovery. Although experience shows that many A.A. members' comfort in sobriety depends, to an extent, on their understanding and acceptance of the Steps, no A.A. member is forced to accept or even read them. It is up to the individual to decide when and how the Steps, will be used.
THE TWELVE STEPS
OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
We love you, Joey. Hope this can help you.
:)
OK, that's really reaching, Potentate of Exaggeration.
Hey. What can I say....you read the blog...
http://exhausted.joewilder.net/?p=36
And this is only what he'll put on paper. There's no telling what else has happened over the years...
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